Saturday, December 15, 2007

thought in progress

I opened his heart on the kitchen counter this morning with a pairing knife and a garlic press. His body lay still, still warm on the hearth as I worked; and the dawn still played table tennis with the snow--sheeting awkward beams of light back and forth from the heaven to the ground. The flesh was less malleable than I had anticipated. It lacked any of the phantom palpitations I half expected from late night and early morning movies, but it moved between my fingers in a way that almost felt conscious. That he didn't give it to me doesn't lead to the conclusion that I stole it. Quite the contrary. His daughter pleaded with me to take it; and now we stand together in the act of its dissection--morally, if not literally.

Of particular interest to me is the right ventricle. I long suspected it to be deficient in at least one capacity, and it is now my good fortune to arrive at first hand concrete resolution.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

forgotten futures

"The end of the day comes closer to my ear and whispers casually that she'll be leaving me alone."
-Me, 20 minutes ago.

It was a quiet morning when the past abandoned me for her other lovers. A story follows, but it's too late to open her now.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Fallujah

Ithaca College today had the audacity to introduce and screen a film as a documentary, "Fallujah". I am still processing my rage.

Put These Into My Car

Every day that I drive, stuck in traffic, I find myself wishing for little things--often simple things to make my drive faster, safer, more enjoyable. I doubt anyone's listening, but by golly gershwin I'm going to write them down.

1. Front side brake lights.

Yes. When that lunatic without a turn signal is slowing down--I'd like to know. My eyes are pretty good, but sometimes it's hard to tell when someone is actually slowing down. If I'm at a stop sign, waiting to turn, I could turn faster if I knew the car approaching were slowing down. If I'm driving towards a crosswalk, and I don't see the pedestrian step out but the oncoming car from the other direction does--I'll see his brake light and know something's up.

A simple set of red lights below the headlights would do the trick.

2. Yellow lights before green.

Oh yes. Europe has it, and it's a joy. A short, 2 second yellow light (the same yellow light preceding red) appears before the green (or blue). It keeps traffic flowing smoothly. It's so simple, yet so effective.

3. WiFi Everything.

I want so much, it's hard to contain myself. I want WiFi radio stations for my stereo. I want to communicate with other cars without honking. I want to know if there's a car coming toward me in the evening fog that I can't see yet. I'd like my car to calculate right-of-way at a 4-way stop and inform everyone else as well. Traffic info.

4. USB plug for the onboard computer.

I would love to know what's on that chip. Why is that dashboard light on? Just route a cable to the cigarette lighter space and let me plug it into my laptop. Let me download the mileage, calculate my fuel economy, alert me to problems, see my daily usage--starts, stops, trips, etc. All of that isn't on the chip, but start with the chip and make everything accessible via USB, bluetooth or WiFi.

5. No more cigarette lighters.

I don't smoke. I don't need to light things on fire while I drive. I hate the adapters to plug things in. Just give me a plug. No adapter. Just a plug. Now, please.

6. WiFi alarm.

Back on the WiFi trail. I have a program for my Mac in case it's stolen. If so, I report the theft to the company. They ping my laptop the next time it comes online, activating the theft software. It starts broadcasting its location, logging all keystrokes, and silently feeding video images of the thief back home. It can't be erased or uninstalled (without the very secure admin password). Why not in my car? I hate the noisy alarm. Just start rolling film, broadcast location, and send the crook to jail. As soon as the car comes within range of a hotspot.. bam. Or give it a disposable phone number to SMS data. Anything.

7. Cameras.

I'd like to end the insurance speculations now and forever. Just put 4 cameras (or more) on the 4 sides of the car. Build them into the frame. Record everything on a little hard drive in the trunk. Next time I get rear-ended, I'll simply show the video to the police and walk away with my check. You can also fight those tickets. Prove you came to a complete stop. Prove that crazy man jumped out in front of you.

8. Breath-a-lizer in dash.

I never want to drive under the influence, but sometimes I have a few drinks on an empty stomach that hit me a little harder than I'd like. I don't notice it until AFTER I start driving. What an awkward feeling, I can tell you. I doubt I've ever been illegal behind the wheel, but I'd love to be able to make a snap decision before even turning the car on: drive or cab it.

Anyways, that's my wish list for today.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Open P2P (Peer to Peer) to Life

I'm just one fellow, and not terribly educated at that; so my opinions may not be grounded in actuality. Nonetheless, I've been thinking of a few ideas, wondering if anyone else has thought of them and if they're any good.

1. P2P networking. Why not host websites over P2P? Sure, you'd need a client to fetch them for you. But you already need a browser to see websites anyways. Sure, they'd be more vulnerable to change, perhaps. But you could design some checks and balances. Of course, maybe change is good. Maybe allowing websites to evolve over P2P could be radical and fun. On the upside, anyone could create a website. No one could take it down. Maybe there's other benefits/dangers as well.

-Also, why not create a P2P file system, based on xfs or ext3 or jfs or something like that. One could install applications, do all sorts of craziness--databases, etc.

2. Consolidate email, SMS, and IM into one solution with many options. In the first, what about *really* instant email? Wouldn't that be neat? If email were as fast as IM--would you need anything else? What about P2P over email? Now it seems like I'm stuck in a P2P mode of thought. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe not.

3. What about wiki everything? Wiki-phonebooks. Wiki-advertising. Wiki-directories. Wiki-life. What about my life on wiki? Family trees. You name it. Wiki-news. I'm tired of getting calls from numbers that I don't know and can't find. Sure, there's 800info.com, but wouldn't a wiki be better? Also, directories of websites are great. Why aren't they wiki-possible? It could go on and on.

4. What about news id tags? Like an RSS feed, I'd like to be able to subscribe to a news item. For example: "United 572 crashes into Pacific, cause unknown." Why not let the first person to write the story assign a unique number that all other agencies use as well. Then, all updates to the story get branched off that number. 4 days later, when I want to know the status of that story--I've got the micro-rss of it, pulling articles from every major news source to fill me in. Like an IMDB or AllMusic or database for news. Specifically, I want updates of the Australian ghost ship that hit the news a few months back. Every time I think of it, it's harder and harder to find.

5. Login consolidation. I have keeping multiple logins, multiple profiles, multiple passwords. I hate recreating my profile on every site I frequent. I hate registering for sites. There's a feature in Joomla 1.5 that promises Google authentication. That seems like a good start. I just wish I could create a Facebook style username/password/profile for my identity and use that same identity on every site I want to leave my mark on. P2P identity. Too much? Not sure. But dear god, I wish it were here now.

6. What about a site devoted to ideas like this? I'm not sure a site is the answer--it seems like a needless waste. Maybe a better way to connect ideas. A Google extension for ideas. Not keywords but concepts. I'm searching for innovative ideas (not to suggest these ideas are innovative) or answers to my questions about potential ideas, and I can't seem to find them.

Anyways, I'm just tossing the idea out there. Maybe it's worth someone's time. Maybe not.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Automakers Propose Cutting Emisions in Half by Releasing Only Pure, Clean Carbon-Monoxide

Relative Motors today announced plans to cut carbon emissions in half, by converting dangerous carbon dioxide emissions into harmless carbon monoxide emissions. RM spokesman, Donald Thisbit, told reporters: "Carbon dioxide as we all know is One molecule carbon, TWO molecules oxygen. Today, Relative Motors will cut half the oxygen out of our vehicle emissions. That's half the waste. We feel at RM that carbon monoxide is the gateway to a greener planet and a sustainable future."

Monday, September 24, 2007

Bush Repunctuates Education Law: "No! Child... 'Left Behind'?" Act

A recent review of the "No Child Left Behind" law, enacted by Congress in 2004 and signed into law shortly thereafter by George W. Bush has revealed another startling example of Executive Privilege. A practice begun with Roosevelt, presidents have frequently amended bills upon signing them into law by annotating their own interpretations of the bill's intent. Left undiscovered until now, in part because Mr. Bush did not attach anything to the law but instead punctuated the title:

"NO! Child... 'Left Behind'?"

Scholars and judges have yet to decide what, if anything, should be done following this revelation. Spokesman for the White House, Donald Thisbit, announced to reporters, "This is yet another fine example of a president who has the foresight to follow through on his initiatives."

Pope Announces Revolutionary "Abstinence Only Education"

In a radical move from the Vatican, part-time Archbishop Donald Thisbit told Reuters reporters this morning, "It is time to take a program that has worked effectively for 6,000 years and adapt it to a changing world. 'Abstinence Only' has defeated AIDS; 'Abstinence Only' has cured deformed relationship patterns, and the Vatican today believes that education itself may only need abstinence."

Beginning next week, Catholic schools across the world will begin burning all textbooks which are deemed to present a non-abstinent way of thinking. Speaking of their large biology labs, Sister Angela of the St. Phillipe's Immaculate Wrath school offered, "This news comes as a relief. For too long we've had to teach all of the things that can happen in a biological system. Now, students only need to know what shouldn't happen. High school graduations can start, Pope approving, in the 2nd grade."

Unresolved in this mornings news, however, was the issue of animal abstinence. Confused area children pondered, "Mommy, why is there a chicken/egg debate?"

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Greek God Vows to Avenge Son's Death

Greek god Apollo vowed today to AP reporter, Donald Thisbit, to prosecute Zeus, king of the gods, to the full extent of the law for the unlawful execution of Apollo's son, Asclepius. While the case has been dormant due to a lack of evidence for over 2,500 years, Apollo feels certain he can convince district attorneys to reopen the case as more and more gods seek returns on the unlawful killing(s) of their siblings, spouses, parents and children.

Apollo commented, "All Asclepius aspired to achieve was the reanimation of dead tissue for the immortality of man. Now, all involved in his death must be killed."

Friday, September 7, 2007

Concerns Rise as Expectations Lower

Area residents of Watkins Glen, Arizona today noted increasing concern over their own lowered expectations. Said Donald Thisbit, elementary school teacher of his students, "I just couldn't care less about their education--and that frightens the heck out of me." Wilford Mansfield, owner of the Dapper Dangler grocery store, expressed frustration with plummeting sales: "We've posted record losses every quarter for the past seven quarters, and I couldn't be more concerned about how little I care."

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Pope Announces: "Life Begins at Lust"

Part-time Vice Cardinal at the Vatican, Donald Thisbit, revealed to AP reporters this morning the results of the Pope's revelations on the true point of entry for new souls into the universe. "Lust", he said, "initiates an inter dimensional spiritual phone call, bringing the next new soul to the front of the line in preparation to enter existence." Thisbit also announced the Vatican's new anti-lust research policy, calling psychology a platform of genocide on the largest possible scale.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

thurgling

It comes at that time in the early morning when the throat clenches about the fist and a fast cry surges toward the stomach: "something is missing". I am meant for something great. What is self or greatness? I do not hesitate to abstain from speculation. What matters at the end of the day? How many men on this earth ate bread tonight? Has that percentage improved since yesterday? If not, what are our plans to change that? From the poorest child's access to bread, the whole spectrum becomes clear--

Suffering will always exist if we do not sacrifice. Christ died in vain.

Friday, August 10, 2007

glope

An inadequately funded urchin tottled toward the slow gaze of despair. Not glancing upward from its own steady march, the urchin bent forward and stumbled into the open arms of license.

Friday, August 3, 2007

laziness breeds

He's in there, lollygagging about, twiddling the old thumbs as he mocks me. I see him, in his wee chair, leaning back against his tiny gravity, reading his mini New York Times late edition and sipping a barely visible cup of Chai. It disgusts me. I've already planned the first speech: day one, hour one, minute one, second 25 (give him a moment with Mom before setting things down)

Listen up, Soldier. You've been selected for a special mission, because you're the best of the best of the best. Of the best. I hope you've enjoyed your R&R, because that's the last you'll see of it for the next 6,574 days. We've been keeping a close eye on you, and it's time to...

Anyways, the rest will come as a surprise to us all. For the moment, he and I both can take in a deep breath of awe.

Monday, July 9, 2007

quit me thisly

squalor tempests beneath the artificial breeze
the heat stacks brick ovens beside the bedroom door
thirst strangles her as she sleeps
i sweat

Sunday, July 8, 2007

it's that time of year when the world falls in love

She sleeps with her mouth open and kicks when I brush against her legs. It's an effort not to want to gently touch her stomach.

Insanity festers in the tossing and turning of the night.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

CBS Introduces: "Life on Demand"

In the absence of truly innovative reality TV programming, CBS executives propose to cross the entertainment threshold by introducing your life, on demand. Watch moments of your past, present, or potential futures in real time--only when you desire to experience it. That first kiss in slow motion. Your first sky dive adventure three years from now in the Amazon. Your elite training in a Chinese counter-terrorism, joint, international task force to eradicate counter-government international task forces. All of it available on your television, at your leisure. CBS executives do provide one disclaimer: "CBS cannot be held responsible for broadcasts of future events that individual audience members fail to enact in their own lives due to time spent watching own lives in demand without regard for actual living."