Bait.

So, in a bold move yesterday morning, Jen tore into the guest bathroom (adjacent to the guest bedroom, where my cousins were sleeping) and assaulted the trash can. Then, selecting used tampons one-by-one, she carried them into the bedroom and laid them on the beds.

Rejected Personal Description from Yahoo

Introductions are best done at 15,000 feet in a C-130 preparing to dive into an agressive landing pattern over Baghdad. Two reasons. First, you can't hear anything besides the roar of the engines and the sound of pressure dropping out of your ear drums. Communication transcends language as you try to express agony and/or humor via poorly contrived hand signals, which inevitably convey meanings you do not intend to people whom you've never met. Second, explaining the rationale behind said attempts at communication is rarely anything less than hilarious. Otherwise, introductions are bound to be boring and uninspired.